Me likes it. It ahas a good flow to it.

--
"To see a world in a grain of sand
and a heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour."
~William Blake

"I think I like you like this... Lets me molest you at my leisure." (Don't ask)

Bitter, but truthful. Time for a critique from another former student under Ms. C.

The'exposed' line works well, in that the word itself is exposed. However, it seperates itself from the actual predicate it's attached to, which takes some of the meaning from the soft underbelly bit. Also, it inadvertantly attracts attention to the longer lines, such as the birds or hearts line. Also, the line after it almost sounds like a joking pun in the middle of a serious poem

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This is more than likely be where my signature would be if I was motivated or clever enough to put one in. As I am not, I have merely wasted your time. ^_^

The "exposed" line throws off the rhythm, and realistically, since none of the rest of the poem has that sort of emphatic one-word line break, it really sticks out.

...And is "fold on fabric fold" a typo or something I'm not getting?

The first four lines are brillig. ^^

--
"You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent..."
--Nightwish, "Feel For You"

Ah hah! You caught the exposed word "exposed". This brings me joy.
Now which line do you mean that sounds like a pun?

Hmm. Honestly, poetry is not a very strong spot for me either, so I won't comment too much on the structure of it too much and comment more on the meaning. I'll just say what it makes me think as I'm reading it, so that you can tell if it's having the desired impact on the reader.

To me, this sounds like something of a critique the modern "American Girl" and by association, a critique on America itself. "You brown-eyed bangle" seems pretty negative right from the get go. The beginning lines say to me that the "american girl" is simply a decoration as opposed to an individual. Perhaps "dangling off of carhoods" like a supermodel sitting on a car on the front of a magazine, and "bent into [the] curves" of those same supermodel type bodies perhaps, or in general being "bent" into something other than it's original self by an outside force (society?)

I'm going to admit that I don't entirely understand the "Birds or hearts? Three of clubs?"

The bit about hiding behind "aviators" (I'm guessing you mean aviator glasses) but leaving the underbelly exposed (again, nice on the line spacing for that) and "unblemished [again with the imagery about physical appearance] teeth beared" seems to indicate that behind this disguise of how the "American Girl" looks is something more animalistic, but if that means anything beyond that specifically at this point it is unclear.

The majority of the body of the poem seems to me to say that this "american girl" is a jumbled collection of basically popular culture: "fold on fabric fold" and "land of laugh tracks" sounds like fashion and sitcoms to me, or possibly even more generally speaking, TV and entertainment media in general.

The bit about being wrapped in star spangled banner that has lost it's meaning seems obvious enough: "America" has lost it's identity and significance and the "american girl" has garbed herself in this confused society.

"learned to worship the guitar string and the synth." seems to be a commentary on how popular music is treated now. "Guitar string and the synth" is actually a kind of clever way of putting it, just because most music nowadays involves a lot of those things, and this music, regardless of it's quality most of the time, is certainly worshiped steadfastly by your average citizen.

Then we return to the animal imagery again: "Like a puma you pick out your prey, then growl deep beneath your brown hair." What precisely do you mean by "pick out your prey?" Are you referring to something specific or just reinforcing the image of the "American Girl" actually being nothing but a growling animal beneath the outer layer?

The last three lines could mean a few different things in my mind. Does the "ignorant" aspect connect back to and ultimately complete the imagery of the "american girl" being just an animal? Are these sounds emanating from the "american girl's" growl, indicating that she has become completely ignorant? Does it instead or in addition to that, give reference to the "ignorant" sounds of American voices in popular culture and in the media (especially now during all this political hullabaloo)? And does "memorable to the mouth" indicate speech, or does it indicate something else the mouth could physically be involved in and remember, and possibly tie back to the references to physical appearance with "pretty to the eye?" Or does that mean that these things that are "pretty to the eye and memorable to the mouth" are simply easily followed and repeated despite their obvious ignorance?

Or is the ambiguity here completely intentional because it brings all of these things to mind in just three lines?

There seems to be a huge amount of content packed into this little poem, and I think I basically understand what it's saying. If I'm completely off then you may want to consider reinforcing certain ideas or I may need to consider not being an idiot. Either way, there's your writer's workshop of a comment for you.

What class is this for, by the way?

I like it. It's very true and I think it hits right at home.

The world is falling apart. I'm putting this in my

Can't wait to see what you write next.

Oh wow! Thanks! ^^
Good to get some encouragement. XD

Oh WOW wouldja lookit that! A loong and very detailed breakdown of my poem. I am honored and impressed. And this will definitely help me rework it a bit.
Yes, you definitely grasped the main points for sure. I'm pretty certain that the point of this poem has come across. I'm pretty sure I know what to do with it now.

This is for my creative writing class.

There IS a creative writing class? I'll have to take that next semester!
Anyway, I'm glad I could help! Honestly, knowing now that I did indeed understand it fairly well, I think it's a great poem. I think the very fact that I was able to write an analysis about it that was ten times longer than the poem itself proves that! There is one line that absolutely needs to be revised though. I think it goes something like "I am a terrible poet..." Honestly, I think as much as you may love or hate this line, I suggest omitting it entirely.

You should upload some of the other things you do in that class, if you don't mind putting them up on here. And if you DO mind, you should send them to me anonymously in envelopes with no return address, that are delivered only by strange trench coated men on stormy nights, so I can read them and wonder who's writing these awesome things!

Oh yeah, and now that I know I hit the mark mostly on your poem....!!

(there I go being extremely wordy again )